...he almost forgot about going home. This week is getting over but there are still a lot of things that need to be said, to be done and he can't let the week end without telling abbie what he feels...
he didn't go out with his friends when nightfall came. instead, he braved himself going to the rest house despite the possibility of facing Toni again. He saw her standing beside the swimming pool with a stick of cigarette between her fingers; contemplating perhaps. She saw him approaching and smiled at him as if they never had a confrontation this afternoon. He coyly smiled back.
"hey, are you here to see me...or Abbie?"
"Look Toni, i'm sorry. i didn't really mean to sound rude this afternoon. I ---"
"No, it's okay." Toni interrupted. "You were honest. i appreciate that."
Paul nodded and smiled in relief.
Toni noticed paul gazing inside the house and everywhere as though searching for something...or someone, and Toni very well knew who.
"Abbie is not here." She explained. "She's probably outside. i don't know. i haven't seen her since i got back here."
Paul nodded and turned to leave when she blurted, "Are you really in love with my sister?"
He felt a lump in his throat and gulped at the sudden thrust of question.
"You shouldn't be." She continued and headed inside.
He was confused with what she said but didn't put much thought about it. He went looking for Abbie outside. He found her sitting alone on a huge rock facing the sea. Her hair swayed like with the breeze and he could smell the scent of it as he came closer behind her.
"Hi!" He greeted trying to be calm and cheerful despite all the butterflies in his stomach. "Can I...uh..join you there if you don't mind?" He smiled with dreamy eyes staring at Abbie who smiled as she wiggled aside to for him to sit.
"It's full moon huh..." He exclaimed sitting beside her.
"Blue moon actually," Abbie retorted, " beautiful, isin't it?" She muttered gazing in the horizon.
"Yes you are..." He replied turning his gaze on her. Abbie gave him a coy smile and gazed at the moon again.
"Abbie, i'm going home tomorrow. I just want to say thank you. I'm really glad and happy that we met."
"Same here." she smiled staring back at him as his heart throbbed faster. There were a lot of things he wanted to say yet he couldn't utter anything. He was completely lost for words looking into her eyes. He felt he needed to kiss her. he wanted to kiss her but abbie sensed it and leaned back. "I'm sorry." He exclaimed, "It's just that... even before i met yoour sister, even before our eyes met...you've already captured my attention when i saw you for the first time along the shore..and now that i've spent time with you, known you... i'm never the same again beacue for the first time i am not in control of things more so of my feelings...and i know i will never have a peace of mind if i go back to manila tomorrow without telling you how you how much important you are to me... how much i love you abbie."
Abbie looked away, surprised, didn't really know what to say. His words struck her inside, not because she reciprocated the feelings...She just felt sorry for all the right words he said to the wrong girl... to the wrong her.
"Don't say you love me...you barely know me...no... you don't know me at all." She said.
"Then let me.."
"I am not what you think i am...what you think i can be to you."
"I'm with someone. I'm with Alex."
"But you said you didn't have a boyfriend."
"I didn't...never had... I'm gay." She finally confessed.
He looked at her in astonishment and disbelief. At one word, all hopes shattered right before his very eyes. He looked down hiding the tears forming in the corners of his eyes. He couldn't bear to look at her anymore if only to see true love vanishing like his teardrops on the sand...
He walked away trudging along the shore with tears on his face...wishing for the rain to pour on him...Her words still echoed in his thoughts. Things took place abruptly. A lot have happened in 1 month..the longest month of his life. He fell. He failed. He cried. Everything turned upside down down all beacuse of true love he found and lost along the shore...under a full bluemoon...how ironic.
this feeling, in the midst of everything,
always has me swept in a different time far from the sunshine of this day...
your presence, its too perplexing for me to comprehend
like ink blots and scribbles in a white sheet...
so many images, so many forms
but nothing makes sense...
it's still empty
as hollow as the answer to the poking question in my mind...
just why you hover around me in strange ways
i feel like i'm in a completely different world...
or maybe a different lifetime...
so annoyingly nostalgic of memory i cannot recall...
your presence, it's a link to my long forgotten past...
your eyes, a reflection of feelings i want to own again...
Everyday, there is not a second or two that you don't cross my thoughts. The memory of your presence, the feel of your face on my palm, the lather of your hair through my fingers, the glow in your eyes when you see me, that beautiful smile that is always subtly there between silent intervals of our conversations, that soothing voice that always seems to tickle my heart when you mention my name again and again with your loving stare...you are everything that i ever need. i make sense when i think about you, you complement my words; you color my horizon with every stroke of your being etched in me everytime you leave and rekindled even twice when you come back...you make me smile, you make me laugh...and above all you make me happy...
you are something i will never trade for everything...
I don't know why, I don't know how,
but my mind has been swamped lately
with thoughts about you hovering
like bees in my head buzzing and buzzing
even in complex tangles of the day's topsy turvy hours...
you always find me
just as i always find you
halfway through the road i traverse
when i'm weary and lost,
you are there standing
like a vision in the fog
walking towards me
as i freeze my racing thoughts for a while
if only to stop wondering
why and how amidst all the chaos and blur in my world,
you always find me...
crying and in pain,
you always take me to a place
where i feel only the safest and home - -- in your arms...
shutdown and torn, you walked out on me without a word...
i knew why but i just ignore the thought more so the feeling inside...
that tingle and squeeze when you do just the reverse of what you desire
only because you protect yourself from falling loose and flat...
because the moment you take that freefall, you know there is no turning back...
you are my sweetest temptation...
you stir my mind with your wits...
you tickle my heart with your tease...
and you overwhelm my soul when you take me to the threshold of your real you...
in a nutshell i just knew...you have been hiding that best part of you
something i don't understand...or maybe something i just wont understand...
either way, you make me afraid to take that freefall with you...
sober from a night's wild bliss,
i found myself in sunken silk sheets
warm with cold toes,
swirls of morning breeze
sliding on my navel...
thoughts of you came rushing
as i stared blankly on the translucent ceiling of this 10th floor flat..
like the reflection i see above,
everything's blurry and bleak...
but your face still so flawless in my mind
...sigh it's a different scent i smell, still lovely but not as enchanting...
a different slide in my fingertips...still as smooth but not a blaze on my spine...
it's a typical summer morning of march,
but sunken in silk sheets with her warmth on my chest,
i have never been colder...to have her listening to my heartbeat
that only longs for you...
Love is the broadest,
and complex creation
that has ever penetrated the human heart,
probably because it is also the force
that fuels us to live and not just exist.
The stages of love develop thru time,
may it be platonic or romantic
especially the latter,
it being mostly mistaken from infatuation,
fondness that grows for a time only,
ephemeral as some put it.
Can we love two persons simultaneously?
The depth of feeling cannot be grasped
nor fathomed by any words
even the best writer or poet can ever weave.
Of course we can love many persons at the same time.
It’s in the level of the same
that things vary...
We can mistake love from infatuation
or vice versa.
Infatuation comes only
like a ray of light in the morning,
but love remains
even when the sun starts to set
and stars fail to twinkle.
Wow! Music doesn't always need to have the perfect rhythm nor the rhyming words, because with you, on a tame morn bliss, even silence becomes a melody I wouldn't trade for any mp3.
You are like your name, the luster, the milky glitters glowing from within;
you blend with the grains of white sand. You glitter with the touch of morning sunray.
You are like youR name, so precious, so vivid.
Only the mighty can dare pursue you, but only the patient can fathom the depths of your stance.
Only the strong can crack the thick lining of where you lurk, but only the gentlest can hold you unscratched.
Only the silver-spoon can own you, but only to the skin-deep beauty, your real brilliance unfolds.
You are so exactly like your name: ____________.
It is nearing sunset,
and here I go again-
wallowing on things
your name on the sand.
You know I hate this,
the stillness around,
the sentiments within,
it only gets me to realize
how impossible things are.
I love you so much.
You are the reason
I wait each day with so much hope,
hope that one of such days
might be spending moment with you.
How wonderful it is to hope,
but I know that,
like the waves brushing off
your name on the sand,
I have already lost you
long before I could ever have you.